thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
