ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
