He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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