i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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