I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?