If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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