we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...