We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
