Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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