I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
