do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
