:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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