I'm eating all of the evidence.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
