y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
