guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
