Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
one two three fourrrrnication!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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