she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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