they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
