Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
