I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
