the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
