The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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