I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
