Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
