After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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