i wish my penis had a tongue
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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