You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
