my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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