Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
