When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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