after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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