Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
