ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
