a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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