it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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