Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
