you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My balls are so social today.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
