i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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