I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
