I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize