You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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