Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
