i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
