I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
