Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
