So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize