Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
