Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
