your parents love me but you hate me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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