I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
