Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize