In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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