Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize