I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
