it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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