it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
