But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
