I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
