I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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