you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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