I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
