I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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