How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
