It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
