have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am available for nakedness
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
