i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
