you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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