You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
