she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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